i want to trade in the gift

it feels more like a curse than a gift

i want to trade in the gift

but i hold on so tightly

i can't let it go, i whisper in the dark

because in order to justify these feelings, i need to hold the gift

i want to trade in the gift

but i can't because i carry it so the punishment can continue

i carry is so i can punish myself for mistakes made

i want to trade in my gift

but i can't

because than i could no longer feel this way, and i do not deserve that freedom yet.